updates


4.23

woke up to no joke 7 pimples on my face that weren't there before i went to bed....guess i need to wash my pillowcase


i'm also annoyed bc i dropped serious money on a new purse and then it came packaged terribly and there's a small mark on the side.....idk if it's enough to go through the trouble of trying to return or get a refund especially bc if i order another i assume they're going to ship it the same way -__-


4.16

having a weird one today but not in a bad way...it's funny to me the way i am perceived by others specifically at work bc i don't really talk to ppl but it's only because we are wfh 4 days a week and the one day i am here i am seated away from everyone else. and so people think i am really shy and uptight. but i don't think of myself that way, i really feel like an extrovert most of the time. today like a dozen of us volunteered together and then got lunch after so we were together for like 5 hours straight and everyone seemed really amused i was talking so much and cracking jokes like guys im a human adult i promise....and then i came back to work all warmed up bc of it and my boss seemed so shocked when i came to talk to her. i guess i just never turn my personality on around any of these people. which i'm fine with, i miss being the office darling (like i was at my old job) sometimes but it's also exhausting when ppl feel entitled to your attention all the time. idk im just saying shit.


also i feel like when im regularly getting high i start to feel buzzed like that all the time even when i'm completely sober....i feel like this has to be in my head and when i try to google this phenomenon i just get recommended mental health hotlines so who knows


4.13

i would apologize for being so r/atheism on main lately but i'm not really sorry about it. but religion is truly crazy once you're on the other side of it.....you can know someone for years and think they're relatively normal and then find out they believe in devil possession and think that's what really happens when people get blackout drunk LOL #notkidding


4.11

just found out i've been paying $5 extra per month for youtube premium because i subscribed through apple and not through the youtube website.....what the actual freaking fuck


4.10

i got my hair dyed this weekend and then immediately got sick with an unknown illness from an unknown source...but today my voice is like a smokers from being sick and why did ben say combined with the new hair they feel like they're on wife swap -__-


4.9

lowkey in an "i love my job" era....like yes a lot of it annoys me, mostly the people and AI being pushed so hard, but when i actually just get to do what i was hired for i love it. i completely a couple big projects recently and it actually makes me feel fulfilled. more specifically, i automated a process that takes this woman in my department like an hour to do every single day and i got it down to like 5 minutes so it's nice to feel like even in a small way i made someone's life easier 😁


4.2

feeling sick today from having two (2) drinks last night bc that's just how my body works and then mcdonalds serves me dog water instead of coffee like okay...


on the bright side, my boss complimented me on a two sentence email i sent, not even in an infantilizing way she just fw me like that. also my heart is full from hanging out with my best friend yesterday yayyy


3.28

been having a lot of happy days lately


3.26

five songs i have on repeat:


Daddy - Rich Homie Quan

Everything Means Nothing To Me - Elliott Smith

The Distance - CAKE

Body - Don Toliver

Titi Me Pregunto - Bad Bunny


3.24

i s2g i'm never cutting bangs again these are taking a million years to grow out. i feel like my hair is growing slower than it used to...


3.23

will never understand why sharing what you did over the weekend is a mandatory part of corporate work. will doubly never understand why my current boss insists on this being a dedicated 8:00am monday call every single week.


3.19

i loveeee working with based millennials i literally owe my life to the buzzfeed generation


3.12

idk if i have an abnormally small mouth but i always feel like im going to choke when i eat sushi (that will never stop me from eating it tho)


but at lunch today i don't have to fear that....i have the most attentive server in the world watching my every move and i trust her to give me the heimlech


2.28

activated a side quest today after finding a mouse in my kitchen at 10:00pm....we were able to buy a humane trap, catch it, and then release it in a nearby park within 2.5 hours 👍


tomorrow's focus will be cleaning the kitchen and assessing all of our food since i found it on the counter


2.26

thinking a lot lately about how perfection was the expectation and never rewarded in my family and how that may or may not inform my behavior as an adult, both when i overindulge and punish myself #freesolo


every time i go to the bathroom at work something bad happens to me. but nothing so far has beat seeing my old lady coworkers entire ass #2024


2.18

i got my full security deposit back from my wack ass apartment, i am officially completely done with that place yayyy


2.12

my own emotions are giving me crazy whiplash. been treating that with an insane amount of retail therapy....i'm going to go watch the clip of bad bunny twerking on his gf on ig live and calm down.


2.11

feeling down for no particular reason lately....probably just the winter and my anxiety but i just cant shake this impending feeling of doom. i feel like im going to be fired from my job or something which is irrational. i just feel so done with corporate life lately, i think i only have a few years of this left in me. everything just feels boring and pointless. it's even harder when i don't have anyone i consider a friend in my new department, that is what has kept me going at all of my previous jobs. i also am constantly getting pushed to use ai (which i don't and never will) and something my partner pointed out is that i take that personally, it feels like a slap in the face when someone suggests that to me when i'm trying to use my brain to problem solve. but ik they don't see it like that, they see it as a useful tool. it's just hard for me to reconcile. i don't want to be emotionally tied to my job but i've always found that difficult when i'm spending 40 hours a week there. i am trying to detach though.


there is a catholic cemetery only a 10 minute walk from my house that i explored for the first time yesterday (there was a sign at the entrance promoting their instagram @stlcatholiccemeteries lol) i walked around for a long time and that was really grounding. it was making me think of my childhood, my mom took my brothers and me to graveyards a lot when we were young because she found them interesting. i was thinking of the way she taught us to be respectful and how to walk so youre not standing where anyone is buried. i wonder how hard it is to get into gravestone restoration. that feels like something you need to apprentice for like a tattoo artist.


2.5

cannot bring myself to gaf about my job anymore...this week has felt longer than all of january


1.23

five songs i have on repeat:


father - Jim Legxacy

I Like Tuh - Carnage & ILOVEMAKONNEN

Throw Away - Future

All Me - Young Freddie

Music - underscores


1.19

every time i sell something on depop it's like okay what do u know about side hustles and having multiple sources of income...that's what i thought (deposited to my account: $9.10)


hanging with my mom and aunts was actually sooo fun had to run that back another night in a row. my one aunt is a board game queen and she brought this game i was not really looking forward to playing (no offense i'm not a big game person tho..) but it was so fun that my partner and my brother and i actually stayed up to play another round after everyone else went to bed lol. it's called "Ticket to Ride" if any of you are game ppl


there was one emotionally devastating moment because what would be a night with my mom without that but yeah i'm still unpacking it....i stayed up for a long time thinking about it and drafting a poem in my head. idk if it will ever see the light of day. for someone that doesn't write very much, i think through things that way a lot, like as if i'm writing a story or poem about something that's bothering me.


1.15

dinner with my mom and two of my aunts tonight...one of them is my mom's favorite sister and one is her least favorite sister...thoughts and prayers i make it out alive


jk i'm sure it'll be nice. they're coming by to see the house and it's still in a moving-in state kind of but oh well. last night we finally rearranged the living room to what i was picturing would work best when we moved in, i'm really happy with it. the only issue is a lack of seating right now, we have one couch so everyone will have to sit together lol


i've been not really gaf at work lately, i just kind of realized that i still don't fully understand what i do or the importance of anything bc my boss has come to me a couple times recently to be like hey you should've escalated that or done that quicker that was really important and i'm like oh i didn't realize that....so i've been trying to be on top of shit this week. she is really nice about it when she has to correct me though idk if it's because i'm still newish or because i remind her of her daughter but she always gives me the benefit of the doubt and says "it's just a learning opportunity!" so i don't feel too bad about any of it.


1.10

i want to study at a scottish university


i will spell color as colour and use degrees celsius. i would watch trainspotting all night while drinking IRN BRU with my mates. i'll have a deep fried chippy every day that's worth a fiver. i would go to gaff parties every night. i am also more likely to meet limmy, ewan mcgregor, billy boyd, and susan boyle.


i wish i was scottish :(


1.9

i have been easing into the new year slowly and what i envision happening for me this year...i don't like to create hard resolutions bc i'm not great at sticking to them but i came up with this list that's kind of like a moodboard but with just words


2026


if i think of more i'll add to this later....


1.8

i've been feeling weird and different the past few weeks but not in a bad way....when i was trying to fall asleep over the weekend, my mind was racing and it hit me that i'll be turning 27 this year. 27 is not old at all and i am absolutely not one of those people that's like omg my life is over because i'm aging!! it was more just this moment where i was like wow time is really passing and it passes faster every year and how you spend your days is how you spend your life....i just keep having moments lately where i am having revelations that i am really not a kid anymore even if i still feel like one. i never give myself credit for anything normally.


i always hear people talk about what age they feel in their head, like what point in time they are perpetually frozen at and for me it has always been 17. that was a really hard and transformative year for me in so many ways. for the first time since then i've been feeling like maybe i am moving past that point in my life, maybe i am becoming unstuck, and turning 27 this year feels symbolic in that a full decade has passed. the same things don't hurt me anymore that i was sure would be with me forever.


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